Inspiration//What’s Holding You Back From Change?

change

Annoyed with how someone has been mistreating you?  Not thrilled about your current status of your relationship? These are just a few of many complaints that I have heard, whether personally, or in conversations with others.  I felt compelled to address something that has been heavy on my mind, and hope that I can help provide some guidance to fellow complainers.

Listen, let me just share with you that I’ve complained a lot!  I know that I’m not alone, so don’t judge me too much. I know that communicating what upsets me comes naturally.  I’m sure my sister doesn’t mind haha! But then what?  I share this with others, and go on about my day only to revisit the same complaint the following day?  Sounds crazy…right?  Believe me I know!

Here is a book that has helped shake me out of the deja vu I was constantly experiencing:

Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.

Originally, this book was assigned to me as a class assignment during my Graduate program. But, I’ve referred back to this book on several occasions.  Don’t get turned off by the description of the book being a “woman’s guide”.  I do not feel as though women are the only individuals who can benefit from this read. This book provides examples of how we complain about our life experiences, but often times do nothing to change the outcome if repeated in the future. In addition, Dance of Anger provides helpful feedback on how to break this cycle to make long-term changes in your interactions with others.

I’ve learned new ways of navigating through all of my complaining, to be able to brainstorm and attempt new solutions. Instead of dreading that conversation with someone (that normally goes sour before you’ve realized what’s happened), instead of feeling hopeless that your current situation won’t improve, try jotting down some possible scenarios to instantly reduce those troubles.  Sounds simple enough, but not many of us are able to think logically when experiencing feelings of anger, hurt, frustration or sadness.

Remember that you’re perfectly capable of impacting change in your life.  Just work on making these changes, INSTEAD of just complaining about them.

~XOXO

FreeBryd

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When Stress Takes Over 

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“Just breathe”.  This is what I need to say to myself when my thoughts start to become toxic.  What a day I experienced yesterday! I’ve realized that I spend an unimaginable about of time stressing over things that I personally can’t change.  Just reflecting on this today makes my head spin!

Why do I allow myself to take on so much, when realistically agreeing to do EVERYTHING just won’t work? I know exactly why this is…I’m a self-proclaimed people pleaser! I love spending time with my friends and loved ones.  I live for that! But, my sole problem arises when I spend so much time worrying about making everyone else happy, and don’t pay as much attention to my wants as much as I should.

I’m bringing this up, because this is a real problem that I currently face.  Not only am I growing tired of not being able to somehow add more hours into my day, but I want to learn to let go of all of the stress that comes along with overextending myself. I’ve allowed my stress of being unable to make others happy impact how I experienced my day with loved ones. Throughout my day, all I could think about was, what I could have done differently to decrease my current amount of stress? How much time do I have before I have to leave to make it back to go to the next place? I honestly couldn’t even enjoy myself.  I wasn’t living in the moment, and creating new memories.  I was physically present, but mentally and emotionally I was light years away from everyone else.  I won’t be able to get this time back, but I can realize my faults and correct them for future experiences.

What I need to do is learn how to say “no”.  If I am not 100 % sure if I can make this work, then I’ll have to be honest about that too.  It’s not fair that I sacrifice my in the moment experiences with feelings of stress.

I also have to be on top of stopping those forever lurking negative messages that find a way to do a cameo sometime throughout the day.  I need to ask myself: will worrying about this right now change how I am feeling? What are some realistic solutions to decreasing my current amount of stress?

Remember to just breathe.

What challenges do you face with being a people pleaser?  How do you say no?

(Image source: http://theberry.com)