Fix My Relationship Friday’s//Vol.1

Hey Everyone!

Thanks for joining me on the first official Fix My Relationship Friday series!! I’ve had the opportunity to ask several people to share their thoughts on their Long Distance Relationships (LDR).

Why this topic?  

This is just one of many topics that we will discus on this new series.  I also have more than a handful of friends, and even more family members who have experienced this as well. More and more people are deciding to try making their relationships work the long distance.

This is something that I can testify to as well.  Doing the whole long distance thing and all…is extremely challenging!! I was committed to a LDR for over 2 years.  There were long and lonely weeks, plenty of arguments, and frequent Skype dates. But, I knew I was with the right person.  If both are willing to put in the extra work (this is a must!), then both parties can grow in ways that you can’t even imagine.

Considering dating long distance?  Maybe you’re facing your own challenges on this very subject.  My hope is that you will gain a new perspective from the interviewees who have shared their story with you today…Enjoy!

*Background info: Ages: 23-31, male and female, 2/4 are still with their current partner*

Here are the questions that were provided for the interviewees:

  • How did you enter into the long distance relationship? (Did u know up front it would be long distance)? Dating since high school (for about 5 years).
  • Were you more apt to cheat because of the distance?

  • What were the biggest challenge(s) you faced with dating long distance?
  • How often did you spend time together?

  • What would your advice be for others considering, or are currently dating long distance?

Interview #1: 

We met through a mutual friend.  Originally, we lived in the same city. Then after 2 years, I left for grad school.  We decided to take a short break, due to being unable to get on the same page.  A month or so after that time, we got back together.  It wasn’t that much longer when my boyfriend took a job overseas!!  We couldn’t catch a break!  

I was definitely open to it after some time had passed, due to being so lonely. I even hung out with more people as a result. I never acted on my feelings of loneliness, but it did frequently cross my mind.

Our communication relied more and more on emailing one another. Our Skype dates faded away as well.  Our schedule was contingent on his availability, due to him being overseas. When we did get a chance to speak on the phone, I felt like my feelings were not acknowledged, because he was super busy.  His mind was elsewhere, and I was not able to share my experiences with him about what took place throughout the day. Like what grade I received on projects.  

We got to see one another 2-3x/month on weekends.  He had an extended weekend off from his job, prior to going overseas.  I was busy with school during the week, so this worked well. It wasn’t until he took another job (overseas) when things changed.  Advice: Unless you’re married, or seriously committed to the other person, don’t do it!!  Life is short.  Why spend your time pining over someone you aren’t sure you want to be with? You have to figure out the next step in your relationship.  Are there plans to relocate within the same city? Make sure this is a discussion you have early on and frequently.

Interview #2:

We met while I was on vacation so we knew it would be a long distance relationship from the beginning. I wasn’t tempted to cheat because of the distance. Finding time to dedicate to one another and communicate, since most disagreements happened via phone call, it’s hard to actually communicate your feelings and have a discussion. Physically, we were together about 1 week for every couple months…it varied as the relationship went on because we moved closer and further away. So, the distance determined how often we saw each other.

Advice: I would suggest staying away from long distance relationships unless there was a relationship that existed before it became long distance…I don’t think long distance relationships that start out long distance have much of a foundation to build upon.  For those currently in a long distance relationship, I’d say be as flexible with your partner as possible and understand that it will be a challenge.  For those considering it, I suggest you thoroughly evaluate the strength of your relationship because the distance will only make things more difficult.

Interview#3:

We were originally living in the same city.  About 2 years after dating, my boyfriend made the decision to relocate to live with parents in another city. I have often considered cheating.  We weren’t friends first, and the move was stupid to me, and out of nowhere.  I had the mindset that we could pretend we were together when he visited me, but when he was gone, I felt I was single.  This relationship was challenging, because we didn’t have a long-term game plan. We didn’t have plans to live in the same city.  There was no end goal, and we never discussed this.  We had different goals on what we wanted out of life.  He was going back to school, and I was working full-time.  A true future goal could not be established.  

Our communication remained hit or miss.  Honestly at this point, I was not as concerned as I should be.  I didn’t have a strong emotional connection with him.  I admit that I did resent him for moving.  He visited a few times per week.  But, I didn’t feel a strong desire to be with him, because I had one foot out the door. Plus, he was inconstant with coming to see me, so this didn’t help us at all. Advice: if you know in your heart that you don’t care about the other person, take this as a sign from God.  I unfortunately didn’t listen.  I kept this relationship going, when it should have ended a long time ago.

*End of First Round of Interviews*


Leave your comments below on which interview you can relate to, and any feedback for these lovely participants! I’ll be posting the second round of interviews later in the day.

Want me to share your story?? Email me here, or comment under the Relationships section at the top of the page.

Resources for YOU:

Loving From a Distance

20 Life Saving Tips

~XOXO

FreeBryd

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Encouraging Thunder Award//Thank You!

encouraging-thunder-awardI was recently nominated for such an incredible award by YOUnfolded! What an honor to receive the Encouraging Thunder Award! I am new to blogging, and this truly means so much. I love that Nena has been such an inspiration.  We connected not to long ago, and she continues to show her support by reaching out when she can.  Her blog is one I often frequent, due to the overflow of recommendations on how to improve your overall health, and ways to encourage others to be their best!

Per the rules so graciously provided to me, I will:

  • Enjoy the fact that someone thinks I’m awesome 🙂
  • Discuss my purpose in blogging
  • Nominate a few of my fellow bloggers to participate in this fun way of giving thanks to others

Why I chose to blog:

For the past few years, I have had this tug in my heart.  I felt lost.  I did not feel 100% certain that I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  This was frighteining for me, because I kept feeling as though this decision shouldn’t be that hard. I have been trying to figure out ways on how to fill that void.

After some serious soul searching, and sleepless nights, I finally figured it out.  I knew that I wanted to one day open up my own business where I could follow my passion of helping others improve themselves and their relationships, with the help of my degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.  My goal is to create a family space, where I can help lead others on the path of their choice, and provide them with useful skills to help them overcome the obstacles to their happiness.

I’ve always had some pretty big ideas about planning for my future, but I was always so quick to talk myself out of pursuing them.  I was the Queen of negative messages, and I was surely lacking the confidence to begin achieving more for my life.

Starting this blog was my way of changing that.  I no longer wanted to think about the possibilities of starting a business. I needed to make this happen.  My blog was the first step on my list of ways to push me out of my comfort zone.  I had to begin believing in my talents. I needed a way to help me find my voice, and pursue the things that I love most!  I want to continue documenting my growth in this transformation, as well as help provide inspiration, and knowledge on improving our relationships!

To show my appreciation, I am nominating these (5) bloggers for the Encouraging Thunder Award.  I definitely follow some pretty awesome people.  I’ve taken such a strong liking to the wonderful world of blogging, and have grown to look forwad to connecting with all of you daily!

  1. Family Love Does More: Angie Mc has been nothing but amazing! Her words have always been so kind! She has goals similar to my own, in that she provides wonderful tips and advice on how to improve yourself, as well as your relationships.
  2. EGOTist: One of my very first followers (not even sure if you knew that lol).  Actor, singer, AND a writer! You will be able to connect to her posts, because her style of writing makes you fee as though you’ve know her for years!
  3. Myasthenia Gravis: So down to earth and hilarious! She has left some pretty thought provoking comments on my posts.  🙂
  4. Estimating Infinity: Absolutely love her poems! They’re unique, and will leave you searching through the rest of her brilliant pieces.
  5. Lynz Real Cooking: Check out her page for delicious recipes from the Middle East! She also has some pretty cool stories to share from her experiences.

I am thankful to have connected with so many wonderful people! I wish that I could send this award to everyone individually! Instead, I am sending positive vibes your way!

Until next time loves!

~XOXO

FreeBryd

Building Relationships//Interviews

After speaking to those close to me, I believe that we have an idea of how to begin putting an end to this madness (see previous two posts on Woman 2 Women).  Think about this…what have women been known for doing to just to mix and mingle with other women?  Where can women go where they can be free to meet other like-minded individuals where the focus is not on family?  Men have sports that bring them together (not to say that women are excluded from this).  But, what can women do together that will help close this gap?

Over the next few weeks, I will reach out to others via this blog, randomly out in the community, as well as friends and family to begin figuring out a solution to this dilemma (yes, it’s that important).  I love research, and I am excited to see what I am able to come up with!

feedback_imagesSo, I’ll be needing the help of all of you!  Please comment below on the following questions, so you are able to provide me with some initial feedback before I conduct my interviews.

  1. What is currently available to women where they can go to mingle and network (places, activities to complete together)?
  2. Of these places, what is the primary focus (family/relationship/work oriented, etc.)?
  3. What would you like to see women do together, if there are currently no places that meet your needs/expectations on networking with other women?

Thanks in advance for your help!

~XOXO

FreeBryd

1)Photo #1: http://idealistcareers.org/

2)Photo #2: http://www.optimizeulc.com/