Tag Archives: happiness

Law of Attraction

So, I have so much to be thankful for…I’m all smiles!

In the past, I have set goals for myself regarding my career, family, etc. I specifically remember my boyfriend and I having a conversation on this very topic.  He challenged me to write down what I was looking for career wise.  I knew what I wanted, and made the choice that day to create my mini version of a vision board.

My career goals were:

  • I would like to continue helping families in the mental health field (improve, and strengthen their relationships with others)
  • Advance in my career (first step: become a supervisor).
  • Balance my work week with being in the office as well as meet with families within the community (So, I get to plan and organize, as well as engage with others)
  • Have a flexible work schedule
  • Not work any weekends or Holidays

I feel extremely blessed to say with confidence that I have now been working at a new position, that meets every one of my goals that I’ve set for myself career wise at this time.  I didn’t believe that I would find such a position within the first year of writing these goals down initially.  The most exciting thing about this is the fact that I believed in myself.  I knew what I wanted, and went after this! I just didn’t know that I was doing everything I needed to do to help me reach my goals. Now I have that confirmation!

One of my besties, Chanelle, put me onto this Youtube video (Mastering The Art of Attraction).  This video discussed how we each have the ability to reach our full potential. But, doing so all starts with how you are talking to yourself.  You will attract like-minded people, you will attract the lack of money that you continue to complain about, and you will attract that job that you believe in your heart is right for you.

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Ultimately, you have a choice in how you will respond to what’s happened to you.

This isn’t a secret.  However, truly give this some thought…

My advice, is not to settle for what you do not  believe in.  If you’re unhappy, then change your thinking. Maybe even consider changing the people you’ve chosen to associate with.  I know everyone in my corner speaks positively as often as possible.  They push me to go after the more difficult decisions, and challenge me to obtain greater for myself.  Also, write down what it is that you want for yourself.  The more you do this, and communite these goals to others, the more you will continue to hold yourself accountable to them as well.

It feels incredible to get what you want!

What goals have you set for yourself, and what are you doing to make sure you reach them?

Much Love,

~FreeBryd

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Learn Something New//Parenting Through Play

Hey All!

Thanks for joining me again for the new #TeachMe series.  Those of you who have been keeping up with my posts for a while know that the theme of my blog focuses on mending relationships.  I’ve spent quite some time now providing insight, new perspectives, and advice on how to improve your romantic relationships, as well as those between friends and co-workers.

Today, I wanted to shine some light on another important aspect of our lives…the parenting relationship.  Now, I’m no certified expert in this area, so today I include myself in learning something new.

I think many of us can agree that communication is one of the top priorities in nurturing a healthy and successful relationship. I’m sure many of you have mastered the skill of understanding baby talk…but, hopefully you can agree that this alone can become challenging.  Young children appear to have so much to say, and often times they have not yet fully developed the vocabulary to express themselves.  Both parent and child may then become easily irritable.  An increase in emotional and behavioral concerns from the child can take place as a result.

“Play is a fun, enjoyable activity that elevates our spirits and brightens our outlook on life” (Russ, 2004).

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Play therapy is a way for both parent and child to begin learning how to communicate with one another.

“Play relieves feelings of stress and boredom, connects us to people in a positive way, stimulates creative thinking and exploration, regulates our emotions, and boosts our ego” (Landreth, 2002).

Initially, play therapy was created to treat mental, behavioral and psychosocial concerns, with weekly sessions with your child and a trained play therapist.  But I don’t see the harm in using this technique for any child under the age of 10, and with parents who want to improve their interactions with their child/decrease behavioral and emotional concerns. Just be sure to gain as much knowledge as possible in this therapy technique.

I had the opportunity to participate in play therapy, and filial therapy (teaching parents how to use play therapy with their kids) during my grad program.  I absolutely loved this! Now, I know what many of you must be thinking…

  • Why would I need someone teaching me how to play with my children?
  • I already play with my kids…and we have fun!

I completely get that you may have these thoughts initially.  I wanted to highlight the difference between play therapy and just everyday play.  Watch this quick video here on play therapy, to get a better idea of what this entails.

Play therapy helps parents to learn more about their children. Typically, children are unable to express themselves verbally.  For example, as a parent you may not get an accurate account of how your child’s day was (either at school or daycare), through verbal descriptions alone.  In addition to these types of questions, parents can allow their children to take the lead through play, to gain a better understanding on what they are feeling, and what they have experienced.

You have to allow the child to lead completely, refrain from guessing at what the child may be doing during play, and fight the urge to “help” them complete a task that you know they are capable of doing on their own. For example, asking your child things like: what do you want me to do next, where should I sit, what do you want the police officer to say? Try not to assign any names or labels to any of the toys until your child does so first (ie.the car may not be a “car”..may be a spaceship!).

Your child will begin gaining confidence, and learn how to better express themselves. Again, this type of play is separate from your everyday play (30 mins-1 hour, weekly or as often as you’d like).

The toys that are recommended to assist in this type of play expression:

Real Life/Nurturing (baby dolls, phone, money, furniture, clothes for dress up)

Acting Out/Aggressive Release (handcuffs, masks, “scary toys”, inflatable bop bag)

Expressive (paper, crayons, paint, building blocks)

*Board games are not encouraged for this type of play, because they limit expression and creativity.  Other than that, board games are awesome, and are a household necessity!

What are your experiences with playing with your children? How often do you play? 

Thanks for reading! Go out, play, and have fun!

Resources:

Click here to learn more about play therapy: benefits, what this treats, etc.

Click here for a more detailed list of toys to include in play therapy.

Association for Play Therapy

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~FreeBryd

Image credit# 1, 2 and 3: Google images

Fix My Relationship Friday’s//Vol.1

Hey Everyone!

Thanks for joining me on the first official Fix My Relationship Friday series!! I’ve had the opportunity to ask several people to share their thoughts on their Long Distance Relationships (LDR).

Why this topic?  

This is just one of many topics that we will discus on this new series.  I also have more than a handful of friends, and even more family members who have experienced this as well. More and more people are deciding to try making their relationships work the long distance.

This is something that I can testify to as well.  Doing the whole long distance thing and all…is extremely challenging!! I was committed to a LDR for over 2 years.  There were long and lonely weeks, plenty of arguments, and frequent Skype dates. But, I knew I was with the right person.  If both are willing to put in the extra work (this is a must!), then both parties can grow in ways that you can’t even imagine.

Considering dating long distance?  Maybe you’re facing your own challenges on this very subject.  My hope is that you will gain a new perspective from the interviewees who have shared their story with you today…Enjoy!

*Background info: Ages: 23-31, male and female, 2/4 are still with their current partner*

Here are the questions that were provided for the interviewees:

  • How did you enter into the long distance relationship? (Did u know up front it would be long distance)? Dating since high school (for about 5 years).
  • Were you more apt to cheat because of the distance?

  • What were the biggest challenge(s) you faced with dating long distance?
  • How often did you spend time together?

  • What would your advice be for others considering, or are currently dating long distance?

Interview #1: 

We met through a mutual friend.  Originally, we lived in the same city. Then after 2 years, I left for grad school.  We decided to take a short break, due to being unable to get on the same page.  A month or so after that time, we got back together.  It wasn’t that much longer when my boyfriend took a job overseas!!  We couldn’t catch a break!  

I was definitely open to it after some time had passed, due to being so lonely. I even hung out with more people as a result. I never acted on my feelings of loneliness, but it did frequently cross my mind.

Our communication relied more and more on emailing one another. Our Skype dates faded away as well.  Our schedule was contingent on his availability, due to him being overseas. When we did get a chance to speak on the phone, I felt like my feelings were not acknowledged, because he was super busy.  His mind was elsewhere, and I was not able to share my experiences with him about what took place throughout the day. Like what grade I received on projects.  

We got to see one another 2-3x/month on weekends.  He had an extended weekend off from his job, prior to going overseas.  I was busy with school during the week, so this worked well. It wasn’t until he took another job (overseas) when things changed.  Advice: Unless you’re married, or seriously committed to the other person, don’t do it!!  Life is short.  Why spend your time pining over someone you aren’t sure you want to be with? You have to figure out the next step in your relationship.  Are there plans to relocate within the same city? Make sure this is a discussion you have early on and frequently.

Interview #2:

We met while I was on vacation so we knew it would be a long distance relationship from the beginning. I wasn’t tempted to cheat because of the distance. Finding time to dedicate to one another and communicate, since most disagreements happened via phone call, it’s hard to actually communicate your feelings and have a discussion. Physically, we were together about 1 week for every couple months…it varied as the relationship went on because we moved closer and further away. So, the distance determined how often we saw each other.

Advice: I would suggest staying away from long distance relationships unless there was a relationship that existed before it became long distance…I don’t think long distance relationships that start out long distance have much of a foundation to build upon.  For those currently in a long distance relationship, I’d say be as flexible with your partner as possible and understand that it will be a challenge.  For those considering it, I suggest you thoroughly evaluate the strength of your relationship because the distance will only make things more difficult.

Interview#3:

We were originally living in the same city.  About 2 years after dating, my boyfriend made the decision to relocate to live with parents in another city. I have often considered cheating.  We weren’t friends first, and the move was stupid to me, and out of nowhere.  I had the mindset that we could pretend we were together when he visited me, but when he was gone, I felt I was single.  This relationship was challenging, because we didn’t have a long-term game plan. We didn’t have plans to live in the same city.  There was no end goal, and we never discussed this.  We had different goals on what we wanted out of life.  He was going back to school, and I was working full-time.  A true future goal could not be established.  

Our communication remained hit or miss.  Honestly at this point, I was not as concerned as I should be.  I didn’t have a strong emotional connection with him.  I admit that I did resent him for moving.  He visited a few times per week.  But, I didn’t feel a strong desire to be with him, because I had one foot out the door. Plus, he was inconstant with coming to see me, so this didn’t help us at all. Advice: if you know in your heart that you don’t care about the other person, take this as a sign from God.  I unfortunately didn’t listen.  I kept this relationship going, when it should have ended a long time ago.

*End of First Round of Interviews*


Leave your comments below on which interview you can relate to, and any feedback for these lovely participants! I’ll be posting the second round of interviews later in the day.

Want me to share your story?? Email me here, or comment under the Relationships section at the top of the page.

Resources for YOU:

Loving From a Distance

20 Life Saving Tips

~XOXO

FreeBryd

Understanding Empathy

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Finding yourself stuck in a cycle of negativity, or similar arguments with someone you love?

Our relationships can suffer because we minimize one anothers feelings.  Even if doing so was not our intention.  Many of us lack the ability to see another persons perspective.  Often times we are too focused on our own feelings and experiences, that we completely miss the mark.  We miss opportunities to connect with others, because we are being “selfish”, or at least coming across as such.

More and more, I’m noticing that much of what we communicate tends to get lost in translation.  We attack one another simply because we believe we were wronged in some way.  The worst part is that when these messages are misunderstood, many of us fail to gain clarification on the intended message.  As a result, maybe you spend the next day replaying that conversation in your head.  Man, have I been there one too many times! I admit that I have let my imagination run wild, without taking a moment to calm those nasty convos in my head.

Then, when I am able to confront the “issue”, I often learn that I was wrong.  So, realistically I’ve spent an unimaginable amount of time dwelling over things that could have been cleared up if I was able to understand the other’s interpretation without having my feelings block my judgement.

Psychotherapist Cindy Sigal, AMFT (Relationshipshttp://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/08/the-power-of-empathy-in-romantic-relationships-how-to-enhance-it/) has a wonderful perspective on how to improve empathy in our relationships.

What is EMPATHY?

Cindy discussed three different types: Cognitive (we don’t lose sight of our feelings).  Here we are able to recognize others feelings without experiencing these same feelings ourselves.

Emotional (sharing feelings with your partner or others). If your hurting, I’m hurting. If you’re angry, I’m angry too.

Compassionate ( a whole person response (changing our own behavior).  With this type, we realize what our partner may be experiencing, and actively alter our behavior to increase positive feelings.  For example, you may know that today wasn’t a good day for the other person.  Instead of adding onto their current stress load, you do something different.  You may say kind words, or pick up their favorite snack.

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In addition to understanding the different types of empathy, it will also be helpful to identifying the Road Blocks from experiencing empathy.

-Getting sucked into our own perspectives (how we are feeling vs our partner): From my experiences with others including what I’ve been through personally, is that many disputes/disagreements occur when you feel the other person isn’t listening, or feel as though they do not care.  Many of us become stuck with defending ourselves when communicating, because for some reason we feel attacked.  What can possibly be resolved if both of you aren’t even attempting to understand the others perspective?  You’d don’t have to agree with them, but this will help you grain clarity.  I’m definitely still a work in progress!

-Focusing on negatives: Can you imagine a lifetime full of complaints, with no motivation to make any positive changes? #exhausting. We all have our days of picking out the “wrongs”, but what about trying to clear a tiny circle off of that filthy mirror from time to time.  This will definitely keep your relationships “stuck” in the helpless zone. Try finding at least one positive for every 3 negatives.  This may be challenging if your thinking has already been shaped by constant negative messages, but your situation is not hopeless. Train yourself to think differently…it’s never too late to learn something new. 🙂

-Treat ourselves how we would treat others: I admit that am not the best example of this.  I allow others the ability to make mistakes, and offer them my best advice and encouraging words.  But, I don’t always allow myself these same luxuries.  Yes, I want to push myself, and learn from past experiences.  How will this be possible if I won’t even give myself the opportunity to reflect on these roadblocks?

I hope that today is a wonderful day for everyone, and we all are able to improve our Empathy!

What contributes to your overall satisfaction in your romantic relationships ( past, present, or future)?

-XOXO

FreeBryd

Photo #1:http://www.canstockphoto.com/

Photo #2: http://www.lifetimeloveaffair.com/

Inspiration//What’s Holding You Back From Change?

change

Annoyed with how someone has been mistreating you?  Not thrilled about your current status of your relationship? These are just a few of many complaints that I have heard, whether personally, or in conversations with others.  I felt compelled to address something that has been heavy on my mind, and hope that I can help provide some guidance to fellow complainers.

Listen, let me just share with you that I’ve complained a lot!  I know that I’m not alone, so don’t judge me too much. I know that communicating what upsets me comes naturally.  I’m sure my sister doesn’t mind haha! But then what?  I share this with others, and go on about my day only to revisit the same complaint the following day?  Sounds crazy…right?  Believe me I know!

Here is a book that has helped shake me out of the deja vu I was constantly experiencing:

Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.

Originally, this book was assigned to me as a class assignment during my Graduate program. But, I’ve referred back to this book on several occasions.  Don’t get turned off by the description of the book being a “woman’s guide”.  I do not feel as though women are the only individuals who can benefit from this read. This book provides examples of how we complain about our life experiences, but often times do nothing to change the outcome if repeated in the future. In addition, Dance of Anger provides helpful feedback on how to break this cycle to make long-term changes in your interactions with others.

I’ve learned new ways of navigating through all of my complaining, to be able to brainstorm and attempt new solutions. Instead of dreading that conversation with someone (that normally goes sour before you’ve realized what’s happened), instead of feeling hopeless that your current situation won’t improve, try jotting down some possible scenarios to instantly reduce those troubles.  Sounds simple enough, but not many of us are able to think logically when experiencing feelings of anger, hurt, frustration or sadness.

Remember that you’re perfectly capable of impacting change in your life.  Just work on making these changes, INSTEAD of just complaining about them.

~XOXO

FreeBryd

Daily Inspiration//Be Your Best You

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There will be plenty of people who will doubt you along the way.  If not, then maybe they just don’t see where you’re headed.  Not everyone is meant to understand what you have to do to step out and be great.  Not everyone needs an explanation for your decisions.

Try hard not to focus on those messages and individuals that seem to be moving you away from doing what’s necessary for your life.  Remember not to lose sight on what makes you happy.

Who else is going to be responsible for that, if even you aren’t willing to give yourself some credit?

~FreeBryd

XOXO

Daily Inspiration

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I’ve realized that for a long time, I was comfortable with just living.  That became super boring! I needed to switch things up, and push myself to try something new…even if it scared me!  My hope is that managing my time better will help make my week less chaotic, and provide me with the opportunity to grow and become closer to fulfilling my life’s purpose.

One new thing that I have started this week was to create a plan on what I wanted to do throughout the week.  My plan consisted of:

~Starting a meal plan (figuring out my meals as best as I could for the week from Breakfast down to my snacks): If not I’ll end up eating late since I’m throwing something together last minute.  I chose meals that included food options that i currently have at home.  If need be, I’ll stop by the grocery store to pick up the remaining items. I also get many ideas from pinterst if I want to try something new.

meal plan

~Work out at least 5 times this week: Being active vs complaining about my back fat…lol.

~Set aside time to write blog ideas: I want to write, I want to create my own place one day where I can help families improve their relationships.  So, I have to learn how to communicate more, and find new ways of reaching others who may not necessarily ask for help.

What are you going to do to break out of your comfort zone?

Sleepless Nights//Thoughts From A Restless Mind 

  
Tossing and turning throughout the night
Wondering if my pillow has been adjusted just right

Growing tired of the continuous switching sides of the bed

Struggling to compete with the racing thoughts in my head

Stop

Thinking about work when you have a few more hours to yourself

What do you have to do tomorrow?

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I sleep?

Hoping to start that workout that I’ve been neglecting

Ugh!

Maybe I’ll push it off just one more day…

No I won’t…not today

I promised myself to do

Away with the excuses

Besides, don’t you want to see results?

Still noticing that I’m not asleep

The bright green glare from the clock seems to be taunting me

Turned my fans up to the highest setting

The crosswinds and the white noise help to comfort me

I’ll search for a new book on my kindle to help pass the time

Hoping that losing myself in a good read will send me into a peaceful sleep….

Praying for heavy eyelids

Please share what works for you all when you’re trying to sleep.