Kicking off the Heart 2 Heart series with a lesson of love for yourself…change your attitude.
This speaks to me in such a huge way. I have been somewhat stuck in a cycle of negativity. I know…how awful!
I started to be short with loved ones, and I had no idea what was happening. I of course was the last to realize that I was “stuck”. When I woke up, I made it a point to do something different. I wanted to change my attitude…in fact, I needed to do this. I was only torturing myself, and this was beginning to weigh on my soul!
I know that I have been taking many of the things in my life for granted, and that is not how I want to live my life. I
I want to be happy, so why not make this happen?
I want to be successful with my goals, so why not take those first steps to change the direction I want to go?
I don’t want to complain all of the time, about things that I am not willing to change, so why not work on resolutions instead?
This is how I spent my day yesterday. Yes, this is something that I have done in the past, but I allowed myself to get caught up again. I wasn’t taking the time to replenish myself, and prioritize my own self-care. To be honest, this was an extremely refreshing day. I realized that I was sabotaging my own happiness. What I needed was to check my own attitude.
*Sidebar* I always hear people saying that they will treat others how they are treated by those same people…I don’t even want to do this. I really want to take charge of my own life, and not have anyone dictate my attitude. Saying you want to be happy, and actually chosing to be are completely different….again, I’m realizing this now. For such a long time, I knew what it would take for me to be happy, and alter my mood, but have been inconsistent with making this happen.
So simple, but yet I was making this much harder than it needed to be.
I really took the time to count my blessings, and appreciate where I was in my life. As a result, my day was brighter. I was less cranky and annoyed, and kept on smiling for just the thought of being in control of my own happiness.
I am Thankful for…
- My health
- My boyfriend returning home safely after traveling for work for the last five weeks (for my own selfish reasons)
- My family and my friends (for their love and continuous support. Thanks for sharing my blog with others, and encouraging me to be great!!)
- My career which allows me to pursue my dream of helping mend relationships
What are you Thankful for?
Image Credit#1: Found on Etsy
Image Credit#2: Found on google images
Here is the second round of interviews from today’s Fix My Relationship series…
Click here to read the previous post/interviews, if you missed this earlier.
He relocated for college a few years before me, and I joined him. Higher education was necessary for him. He went to grad school. I also moved to another state to begin college. I was never unfaithful. But I was fearful that he would cheat on me, because we weren’t together. Trust was our biggest challenge. I knew in my heart that he was probably unfaithful, but I still ignored this gut feeling because I loved him so much. We did not physically see one another often, but we would always be communicating. We Skyped, texted, and spoke on the phone very frequently. We were able to visit one another once every 2 months if we were lucky.
Advice: Our relationship was built on a solid foundation of friendship, so that kept me going. If you truly care about the person, then do whatever it takes to make this work.
Interview #2 Shana (wanted a shout out lol)
We knew one another for a few months before entering into a long distance relationship. I went away for school briefly, while in this relationship. I didn’t know what I was doing. I came back home after the first semester away, because I missed him. I was in a bad mind-set at that time. I probably would have stayed away at school longer if I wasn’t dating him. I have never, and will never cheat on anyone. I’m in it for the long haul. I do what I can to try to make my relationships work, because this is what I want. I would rather end the relationship than cheat. The biggest challenge, was not seeing one another often. It is very hard to develop something more if you don’t see them.
You also need to know how they are in person, and this may be less likely to happen with long distance. Sex isn’t my top priority. I’m more concerned about learning how to resolve our issues. What happens if we disagree? This is something that we had to constantly work on. It was harder to talk on the phone about these disagreements. We spoke constantly via video chat, even though it kept freezing lol. We visited one another once that month, and were still getting to know each other.
Advice: Compromise!! Make sure they’re worth it (good convos, do we argue, willing to see one another). Google “advice” on long distance relationship for tips, to help make the most of the time you have with one another. Make it fun!! Video chatting is a must. People are afraid to take risks…but, step out on faith. New experiences make your life better. If you’re unhappy, then you need to move on, and that’s still ok. People are also afraid to be by themselves…and unfortunatley they jump into any relationship. Work on yourself when you have that time away from your significant other, until you are able to be together again.
Long distance relationships are tough. When I first got into my relationship 13 years ago it was long distance. He was in college away and I was home. We knew it would be long distance to start and it actually made us stronger being away. When we would see one another we rarely argued since we were so happy to be spending time together. We usually saw each other once a month for the first year of our relationship. We have had moments where our relationship was long distance again but for shorter periods between 2-4 months. Neither of us were tempted to cheat during our long distance period and I think that is largely due to missing one another and having great times when we could be together.
I will say that long distance is very hard, but feasible and sometimes can make your relationship stronger. As they say absence makes the heart grow fonder! It can also harm the relationship because you get used to always having great moments that when you see one another daily the smaller arguments get frustrating because you think back to when you didn’t argue, because all your time was spent doing fun things.
Advice: Be clear about your expectations. Dating long distance also sets expectations that when you are long distance, when you do spend time together you tend to have sex more during that short visit that normally wouldn’t occur if spending time daily with one another. All in all it can work if both parties want it to.
*End of Interviews*
Thanks for joining me today! Doors are open for feedback. Would you date long distance? Have you ever experienced this? Would you try this again? Please share your success, struggles, never look back stories and teachable moments for others…Let’s talk about it!
Thanks for joining me on the first official Fix My Relationship Friday series!! I’ve had the opportunity to ask several people to share their thoughts on their Long Distance Relationships (LDR).
Why this topic?
This is just one of many topics that we will discus on this new series. I also have more than a handful of friends, and even more family members who have experienced this as well. More and more people are deciding to try making their relationships work the long distance.
This is something that I can testify to as well. Doing the whole long distance thing and all…is extremely challenging!! I was committed to a LDR for over 2 years. There were long and lonely weeks, plenty of arguments, and frequent Skype dates. But, I knew I was with the right person. If both are willing to put in the extra work (this is a must!), then both parties can grow in ways that you can’t even imagine.
Considering dating long distance? Maybe you’re facing your own challenges on this very subject. My hope is that you will gain a new perspective from the interviewees who have shared their story with you today…Enjoy!
*Background info: Ages: 23-31, male and female, 2/4 are still with their current partner*
Here are the questions that were provided for the interviewees:
- How did you enter into the long distance relationship? (Did u know up front it would be long distance)? Dating since high school (for about 5 years).
Were you more apt to cheat because of the distance?
- What were the biggest challenge(s) you faced with dating long distance?
How often did you spend time together?
What would your advice be for others considering, or are currently dating long distance?
We met through a mutual friend. Originally, we lived in the same city. Then after 2 years, I left for grad school. We decided to take a short break, due to being unable to get on the same page. A month or so after that time, we got back together. It wasn’t that much longer when my boyfriend took a job overseas!! We couldn’t catch a break!
I was definitely open to it after some time had passed, due to being so lonely. I even hung out with more people as a result. I never acted on my feelings of loneliness, but it did frequently cross my mind.
Our communication relied more and more on emailing one another. Our Skype dates faded away as well. Our schedule was contingent on his availability, due to him being overseas. When we did get a chance to speak on the phone, I felt like my feelings were not acknowledged, because he was super busy. His mind was elsewhere, and I was not able to share my experiences with him about what took place throughout the day. Like what grade I received on projects.
We got to see one another 2-3x/month on weekends. He had an extended weekend off from his job, prior to going overseas. I was busy with school during the week, so this worked well. It wasn’t until he took another job (overseas) when things changed. Advice: Unless you’re married, or seriously committed to the other person, don’t do it!! Life is short. Why spend your time pining over someone you aren’t sure you want to be with? You have to figure out the next step in your relationship. Are there plans to relocate within the same city? Make sure this is a discussion you have early on and frequently.
We met while I was on vacation so we knew it would be a long distance relationship from the beginning. I wasn’t tempted to cheat because of the distance. Finding time to dedicate to one another and communicate, since most disagreements happened via phone call, it’s hard to actually communicate your feelings and have a discussion. Physically, we were together about 1 week for every couple months…it varied as the relationship went on because we moved closer and further away. So, the distance determined how often we saw each other.
Advice: I would suggest staying away from long distance relationships unless there was a relationship that existed before it became long distance…I don’t think long distance relationships that start out long distance have much of a foundation to build upon. For those currently in a long distance relationship, I’d say be as flexible with your partner as possible and understand that it will be a challenge. For those considering it, I suggest you thoroughly evaluate the strength of your relationship because the distance will only make things more difficult.
We were originally living in the same city. About 2 years after dating, my boyfriend made the decision to relocate to live with parents in another city. I have often considered cheating. We weren’t friends first, and the move was stupid to me, and out of nowhere. I had the mindset that we could pretend we were together when he visited me, but when he was gone, I felt I was single. This relationship was challenging, because we didn’t have a long-term game plan. We didn’t have plans to live in the same city. There was no end goal, and we never discussed this. We had different goals on what we wanted out of life. He was going back to school, and I was working full-time. A true future goal could not be established.
Our communication remained hit or miss. Honestly at this point, I was not as concerned as I should be. I didn’t have a strong emotional connection with him. I admit that I did resent him for moving. He visited a few times per week. But, I didn’t feel a strong desire to be with him, because I had one foot out the door. Plus, he was inconstant with coming to see me, so this didn’t help us at all. Advice: if you know in your heart that you don’t care about the other person, take this as a sign from God. I unfortunately didn’t listen. I kept this relationship going, when it should have ended a long time ago.
*End of First Round of Interviews*
Leave your comments below on which interview you can relate to, and any feedback for these lovely participants! I’ll be posting the second round of interviews later in the day.
Want me to share your story?? Email me here, or comment under the Relationships section at the top of the page.
Resources for YOU:
Up Next on Be Free 2 Love…
So, tomorrow begins the Fix My Relationship #FixIt series on my blog. I have the results of the interviews that I’ve conducted on Long Distance Relationships. I will share this info with all of you tomorrow. 🙂
While you’re waiting patiently for the results, I would love to hear from you too! What have you learned from your experiences with dating long distance…or didn’t learn?!
Please leave a comment on the Relationships page, respond to this post, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, to join in on the fun! Let me know your thoughts are on the following questions, and we’ll discuss this tomorrow.
Here are the questions that I have asked the interviewees:
- Have you ever been involved in a long distance relationship? If yes, see the questions below. If no, answer each question as if you were ever in a long distance relationship.
- How did you enter into the long distance relationship? (Did u know up front it would be long distance)?
- Were you more apt to cheat because of the distance?
- What were the biggest challenge(s) with dating long distance?
- How often did you spend time together?
- What would your advice be for others considering, or are currently dating long distance?
See ya tomorrow for #FixIt Fridays, to see what the interviewees had to say!!
You can check out my blog schedule HERE.
Image #1: http://www.wikihow.com/
Image #2: http://vodkabularies.com/long/long-hug.html
Starting this Wednesday off with a book review, for my #TeachMe series. The book I have been reading is, The Dance of Intimacy, by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
Well, I made it through the first half of the book so far! This book was written as a “woman’s guide”, to changing significant relationships. For all of you who are not familiar with this author, her books can be utilized by anyone. Stay tuned, because I wanted to include all of you with sharing your thoughts on whether or not you would continue reading this book, and the reasons for doing so. You can help by taking the toll at the end of the post. 🙂
Now! Let’s get started with peeling away the layers of this book, shall we?!
“It is the will to change that motivates us to seek help, and it is the fear of change that motivates us to resist the very help we seek”-Lerner.
The main theme throughout this book is understanding the process of change, to increase intimacy. What I mean is, when we feel “stuck” in your relationship, we often blame the other person. Maybe it’s their fault for starting the argument with us. Maybe our partner is at fault for not calling us back? But, I challenge you to think of what could possible be contributing to these sources of anxiety? It could very well be the most obvious concern, then indeed a quick fix is needed. This will not always be the case…
I believe Harriet Lerner is justified in her belief that there are many books available that offer specific guidelines, and how to’s, in regards to improving your relationships with others. But, what are we learning from many of these books? How can we learn to sustain long-term changes, when many of these recommendations may have been based off of a quick perception of the problem? I agree that these books can and have been helpful, but what we should focus on is becoming more knowledgeable in getting to the root of these “issues”.
To give you a better example, think about going to a friend to talk about your day…you know, just venting about what happened that caused you to become upset. Next, this friend has the best advice on what you should have done, and the reasons why this advice will help “fix” everything. Either this can be good really good advice, and you are thanking your lucky stars for such an amazing friend, or perhaps this friend has completely missed the mark? Without really understanding what happened in your day, how can anyone offer you meaningful suggestions that would be satisfying for you?
Not even do the significant people in our lives get to take the fall for providing us with the “wrong advice”! Many times WE are quick to jump to make decisions on how to resolve the “immediate” problems. Of course this may seem logical at the time. On the contrary, if you’re having the same argument for the 5th time this week, this may cause you to feel hopeless right? Been there. Done that too many times to count. What this just means is that you really haven’t figured out why these arguments are truly happening…I’ve learned that my expectations can get me into a ton of trouble. Come on guys, I can’t be the only one out there. 🙂 Many of my past disagreements, (with anyone), boiled down to me not feeling comfortable with accepting that life happens. I won’t have the ability of predicting what should happen or when (even though this would be…awesome).
Instead of discussing my expectations before the disagreement, I chose to say nothing. I’ve also learned that I needed to speak up for the things that I wanted. I was tired of hiding, and dealing with huge blow ups after the fact.
In a nutshell, this book provides you with ways on how to begin understanding where your feelings of anxiety stem from, that may prevent you from changing your behavior to improve intimacy within your relationship. Does your symptoms of anxiety originate from earlier experiences? Or is it something more recent in your life/relationship that needs your attention? Lerner provides case examples, and personal narratives about how to begin this process.
My question to you is, how do you resolve issues in any of your relationships? Are these changes typically a quick fix, or do you feel that you need to constantly address the same issue?
Help me Rate This Book:
Based on this book review so far, would you continue reading this book?
Thanks for your feedback!
Photo Credit #1: http://blog.prepscholar.com/how-to-improve-your-low-sat-reading-score-6-strategies
Photo Credit #2: http://www.harrietlerner.com/pages/intimacy.html
Photo Credit # 3: http://www.unhs.co.uk/unhs/your-health/health-advice/headache.aspx
Hey Blog Family!
I’m going to start this Tuesday Heart 2 Heart series, with a plan on taking back control of my promise to improve my health. I don’t know about you, but when I work out, I feel better about myself. I prefer starting the day out with either making my way to the gym, or watching a fitness video at home. My favorite trainer by far has been Jillian Michael’s! She’s cocky, but rightfully so. She will definitely kick your butt into overdrive!
This past weekend, my two best friends came to visit me. During our time together, we made a promise to keep one another motivated throughout the week. We’ ve each downloaded an app called Group Me. What is this, right?
Group Me is also something I’ve had to learn more about. It’s basically a way for you to send instant text messages, calendar invites, and much more into a group that you create. This app works for us, because we do not all carry the same phone service providers. So, the three of us can all share messages at the same time, and each participate in the conversation without missing out.
I’m really appreciate of the fact that I have such amazing friends, who are willing to encourage me to live a healthier lifestyle. Our plan is to update one another when we go to the gym, and check in with one another several times throughout the week. If we have any workout tips, training programs, or meal plans, we will update one another as necessary.
Normally, I start off strong and make it about two weeks before I somehow fall off track. This time around will be different. I have more people holding me accountable for achieving my fitness goals. So far it appears to be working, because the three of us have already prepped our meals for the next day, and have worked out…well one of us has worked out at least :-).
Working out will help me increase those fuzzy feelings about myself, both inside and out!
What normally works for you to helps promote those warm and cozy feelings about yourself?
Love & Happiness to you all!
More to come on Be Free 2 Love…
Stay tuned for Wednesday’s #TeachMe series. I’m sticking to the overall theme of my blog: improving the self and our relationships. With that being said, this day I’ll be dishing out some cool facts, book reviews, and more. I’ll be providing you with some knowledge that will hopefully keep you well-informed. I want each of you to leave here with a new perspective on how to change your relationships for the better!
Photo Credit#1: http://www.hercampus.com/school/illinois/love-yourself-documentary
Photo credit#2: http://maggyliu.com/2015/02/18/i-am-selfish-2/
Photo Credit #3:http://bestappsforpc.net/download-groupme-for-pc/