What’s Your Love Language?

October 5, 2018October 5, 2018 / Sharece Campbell, LMFT I Postpartum Doula / Leave a comment

I loved every part of Gary Chapman’s book titled, The 5 Love Languages. A quick summary of this book is that it was written to help us identify how we give and receive love in our relationships. There are 5 main expressions of love that the book describes: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts.

5-love-languages (1) This isn’t my first time completing the quiz. A few years ago I was also curious to see where I ranked. The reason for the updated quiz now, is because I wanted to see how my love language changed after a few important life events: Marriage, a baby, relocating and job changes. I also wanted to take the test again to keep myself focused on growing my relationship as best as I can. With this information I can share it with my husband and he can do the same.

You DO NOT have to take this test in order to discover these qualities about yourself. Many of you already know the answers and have been applying what you know for as long as you can remember. Many of you are also in tune with your significant other and can make these types of changes without breaking a sweat! For those of you who are more of a visual person (guilty), this allows you the opportunity to refer back to your results if need be.

Each of us experiences life events such as career changes, health concerns, a change in finances, relationship status and/or family that impact how we relate to one another. But, what we need to do next is make necessary changes in order to meet our new levels of need. What you want, what you like, what you didn’t want or didn’t like has probably changed and that’s ok too.

Even without experiencing huge life events, what we need from others may very well change as you grow.

The most important thing that I’ve discovered after this quiz, was how our needs have changed. Yes, I knew life would be different. But, this was a reminder to me that my husband and I needed to be regroup in order to continue building our marital foundation.

Something that changed for me was my score for Words of Affirmation (expressing myself and hearing words like “I love you”). Previously this was important to me, but not a deal breaker. I was always shy and believed that people just knew how I felt. I liked hearing nice things but I was also not too hurt if I didn’t. Oh how things have changed!

I absolutely love hearing kind words. I love sharing how I feel with my husband and other loved ones. I’m learning the power of my words. The Bible describes how we each have the power to speak life into others as well as ourselves. I want to encourage and uplift my household and anyone who I may come into contact with. My relationships mean so much to me and I want to nurture them anyway that I can. Positive and clear communication is everything to me now. I’m still working on this though. But no ones perfect, right?

which-love-language-do-you-speak If you’ve been going though some rough times in your relationships with your significant other, your kids, friends, etc. I would consider taking this quiz. It may help offer more insight into what you need from others and help you to pinpoint exactly what that may be, if you’re having trouble figuring it out. It may also help you better understand someone who you’ve placed in the “they’re just off” category. It’s possible that your view of those relationships may just change.

Take Care of Your Needs and Grow in Your Relationships! Click HERE for the link to the brief quiz to discover your love language!

With Love,

Sharece @befree2love

#LoveFreely

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Fix My Relationship Friday’s//Vol.1~Cont’d

September 11, 2015September 11, 2015 / Sharece Campbell, LMFT I Postpartum Doula / 3 Comments

Hey All!

Here is the second round of interviews from today’s Fix My Relationship series…

Click here to read the previous post/interviews, if you missed this earlier.

Interview#1

He relocated for college a few years before me, and I joined him. Higher education was necessary for him. He went to grad school. I also moved to another state to begin college. I was never unfaithful. But I was fearful that he would cheat on me, because we weren’t together. Trust was our biggest challenge. I knew in my heart that he was probably unfaithful, but I still ignored this gut feeling because I loved him so much. We did not physically see one another often, but we would always be communicating. We Skyped, texted, and spoke on the phone very frequently. We were able to visit one another once every 2 months if we were lucky.

Advice: Our relationship was built on a solid foundation of friendship, so that kept me going. If you truly care about the person, then do whatever it takes to make this work.

Interview #2 Shana (wanted a shout out lol)

We knew one another for a few months before entering into a long distance relationship. I went away for school briefly, while in this relationship. I didn’t know what I was doing. I came back home after the first semester away, because I missed him. I was in a bad mind-set at that time. I probably would have stayed away at school longer if I wasn’t dating him. I have never, and will never cheat on anyone. I’m in it for the long haul. I do what I can to try to make my relationships work, because this is what I want. I would rather end the relationship than cheat. The biggest challenge, was not seeing one another often. It is very hard to develop something more if you don’t see them.

You also need to know how they are in person, and this may be less likely to happen with long distance. Sex isn’t my top priority. I’m more concerned about learning how to resolve our issues. What happens if we disagree? This is something that we had to constantly work on. It was harder to talk on the phone about these disagreements. We spoke constantly via video chat, even though it kept freezing lol. We visited one another once that month, and were still getting to know each other.

Advice: Compromise!! Make sure they’re worth it (good convos, do we argue, willing to see one another). Google “advice” on long distance relationship for tips, to help make the most of the time you have with one another. Make it fun!! Video chatting is a must. People are afraid to take risks…but, step out on faith. New experiences make your life better. If you’re unhappy, then you need to move on, and that’s still ok. People are also afraid to be by themselves…and unfortunatley they jump into any relationship. Work on yourself when you have that time away from your significant other, until you are able to be together again.

Interview #3:

Long distance relationships are tough. When I first got into my relationship 13 years ago it was long distance. He was in college away and I was home. We knew it would be long distance to start and it actually made us stronger being away. When we would see one another we rarely argued since we were so happy to be spending time together. We usually saw each other once a month for the first year of our relationship. We have had moments where our relationship was long distance again but for shorter periods between 2-4 months. Neither of us were tempted to cheat during our long distance period and I think that is largely due to missing one another and having great times when we could be together.

I will say that long distance is very hard, but feasible and sometimes can make your relationship stronger. As they say absence makes the heart grow fonder! It can also harm the relationship because you get used to always having great moments that when you see one another daily the smaller arguments get frustrating because you think back to when you didn’t argue, because all your time was spent doing fun things.

Advice: Be clear about your expectations. Dating long distance also sets expectations that when you are long distance, when you do spend time together you tend to have sex more during that short visit that normally wouldn’t occur if spending time daily with one another. All in all it can work if both parties want it to.

*End of Interviews*

Thanks for joining me today! Doors are open for feedback. Would you date long distance? Have you ever experienced this? Would you try this again? Please share your success, struggles, never look back stories and teachable moments for others…Let’s talk about it!

~FreeBryd

Fix My Relationship Friday’s//Vol.1

September 11, 2015September 11, 2015 / Sharece Campbell, LMFT I Postpartum Doula / 6 Comments

Hey Everyone!

Thanks for joining me on the first official Fix My Relationship Friday series!! I’ve had the opportunity to ask several people to share their thoughts on their Long Distance Relationships (LDR).

Why this topic?

This is just one of many topics that we will discus on this new series. I also have more than a handful of friends, and even more family members who have experienced this as well. More and more people are deciding to try making their relationships work the long distance.

This is something that I can testify to as well. Doing the whole long distance thing and all…is extremely challenging!! I was committed to a LDR for over 2 years. There were long and lonely weeks, plenty of arguments, and frequent Skype dates. But, I knew I was with the right person. If both are willing to put in the extra work (this is a must!), then both parties can grow in ways that you can’t even imagine.

Considering dating long distance? Maybe you’re facing your own challenges on this very subject. My hope is that you will gain a new perspective from the interviewees who have shared their story with you today…Enjoy!

*Background info: Ages: 23-31, male and female, 2/4 are still with their current partner*

Here are the questions that were provided for the interviewees:

How did you enter into the long distance relationship? (Did u know up front it would be long distance)? Dating since high school (for about 5 years).
Were you more apt to cheat because of the distance?
What were the biggest challenge(s) you faced with dating long distance?
How often did you spend time together?
What would your advice be for others considering, or are currently dating long distance?

Interview #1:

We met through a mutual friend. Originally, we lived in the same city. Then after 2 years, I left for grad school. We decided to take a short break, due to being unable to get on the same page. A month or so after that time, we got back together. It wasn’t that much longer when my boyfriend took a job overseas!! We couldn’t catch a break!

I was definitely open to it after some time had passed, due to being so lonely. I even hung out with more people as a result. I never acted on my feelings of loneliness, but it did frequently cross my mind.

Our communication relied more and more on emailing one another. Our Skype dates faded away as well. Our schedule was contingent on his availability, due to him being overseas. When we did get a chance to speak on the phone, I felt like my feelings were not acknowledged, because he was super busy. His mind was elsewhere, and I was not able to share my experiences with him about what took place throughout the day. Like what grade I received on projects.

We got to see one another 2-3x/month on weekends. He had an extended weekend off from his job, prior to going overseas. I was busy with school during the week, so this worked well. It wasn’t until he took another job (overseas) when things changed. Advice: Unless you’re married, or seriously committed to the other person, don’t do it!! Life is short. Why spend your time pining over someone you aren’t sure you want to be with? You have to figure out the next step in your relationship. Are there plans to relocate within the same city? Make sure this is a discussion you have early on and frequently.

Interview #2:

We met while I was on vacation so we knew it would be a long distance relationship from the beginning. I wasn’t tempted to cheat because of the distance. Finding time to dedicate to one another and communicate, since most disagreements happened via phone call, it’s hard to actually communicate your feelings and have a discussion. Physically, we were together about 1 week for every couple months…it varied as the relationship went on because we moved closer and further away. So, the distance determined how often we saw each other.

Advice: I would suggest staying away from long distance relationships unless there was a relationship that existed before it became long distance…I don’t think long distance relationships that start out long distance have much of a foundation to build upon. For those currently in a long distance relationship, I’d say be as flexible with your partner as possible and understand that it will be a challenge. For those considering it, I suggest you thoroughly evaluate the strength of your relationship because the distance will only make things more difficult.

Interview#3:

We were originally living in the same city. About 2 years after dating, my boyfriend made the decision to relocate to live with parents in another city. I have often considered cheating. We weren’t friends first, and the move was stupid to me, and out of nowhere. I had the mindset that we could pretend we were together when he visited me, but when he was gone, I felt I was single. This relationship was challenging, because we didn’t have a long-term game plan. We didn’t have plans to live in the same city. There was no end goal, and we never discussed this. We had different goals on what we wanted out of life. He was going back to school, and I was working full-time. A true future goal could not be established.

Our communication remained hit or miss. Honestly at this point, I was not as concerned as I should be. I didn’t have a strong emotional connection with him. I admit that I did resent him for moving. He visited a few times per week. But, I didn’t feel a strong desire to be with him, because I had one foot out the door. Plus, he was inconstant with coming to see me, so this didn’t help us at all. Advice: if you know in your heart that you don’t care about the other person, take this as a sign from God. I unfortunately didn’t listen. I kept this relationship going, when it should have ended a long time ago.

*End of First Round of Interviews*

Leave your comments below on which interview you can relate to, and any feedback for these lovely participants! I’ll be posting the second round of interviews later in the day.

Want me to share your story?? Email me here, or comment under the Relationships section at the top of the page.

Resources for YOU:

Loving From a Distance

20 Life Saving Tips

~XOXO

FreeBryd