On My Nomination…

Hey Everyone,

I was nominated twice (in less than a week) for the Liebster award. This just means that some very lovely blogger friends of mine have taken the time to connect with beginning bloggers such as myself.  The award was created to give recognition to the nominee and thank them for their inspiration to others. I love this because it helps build relationships…something that I am already passionate about. So, thank you Cheyanne and Kerril for thinking of me :-).

I know there are specific rules for accepting this award (answer 11 questions, nominate 5 more bloggers), but I’ve always been a little bit rebellious lol. So, I plan to answer a few questions from each person who has so graciously nominated me. Also, I’ll keep my eye out for awards in the future, to be able to spread love and support all of you as well.

Questions:

1.What do you love most about yourself?

I love that I am able to remain optimistic (on most days) and find the positives about my day.  I remind myself constantly that I have wonderful family, friends, a boyfriend who still considers me a gem…I’m on cloud 9!!

2.Are you good at resolutions?  

How do you stay motivated to get them done?

I crave resolutions!! I admit that I feel somewhat unsettled when I leave a task partially completed. It’s a constant reminder that I don’t need to have. I’m motivated to have a clear head, so this is what keeps me pushing forward.

3.Where would you love to travel?

I would love to visit Paris. Anyone who knows me understands my fear of flying. I’m uncomfortable being on a plane for that long…but this is a sacrifice that I am willing to make. Visiting Paris is on my bucket list.

4.What is your favourite movie of all time?

Grease!! Hands down. I love everything about this movie. I love musicals, and I know every word to each song.

5.What is your favourite kind of music?

I love R&B.  Ne-Yo is my favorite artist.  So, if he changed genres…I’m sure I would too. 🙂

6.Do you have kids?

Zero. But, one day I hope to have like 6 of the little rugrats…lol. Ok, maybe like 3. I have five siblings, so I appreciate the relationships that can form from bigger families.

Here are the official rules if any of you are interested in participating in this Liebster award.

Link back to my site (or whomever’s), answer whatever questions you want to answer, nominate more people and create new questions for them.

Thanks again ladies!

Happy Connecting!!

~FreeBryd

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How To Communicate//Learn Something New

To follow-up with my previous post on Learning About Yourself (discovering your values), I wanted to continue with this theme of understanding more about ourselves.

I would argue that communication is the most important foundation for any relationship to prosper.

Today, I would like to provide you with the basics regarding the different styles of communication.  If you are not sure what style you are most comfortable with, hopefully you will gain a better understanding after this read.  If you are a seasoned veteran, and are already familiar with these communication styles, than kudos to you! But, a little refresher course wouldn’t hurt, right? 🙂

What do you know about the different styles of communication? Maybe you’re not familiar with the book terms for how you interact with others.  That’s perfectly okay too.

I for one have always heard the different terms being tossed around, but have never actually researched them on my own until grad school.

Here’s some info on the different styles of communication:

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Aggressive: is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others.

– try to dominate others
– use humiliation to control others
– criticize, blame, or attack others
– be very impulsive

Impact: – become alienated from others, generate fear and hatred in others, and always blame others instead of owning their issues, and thus are unable to mature.

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Passive:is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern of avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, and getting their own needs met.

– often feel anxious because life seems out of their control
– often feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless
– often feel resentful (but are unaware of it) because their needs are not being met
– often feel confused because they ignore their own feelings
– are unable to mature because real issues are never addressed

Impact: Increased anxiety, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness

Passive-Aggressive: is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way.

– mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue
– have difficulty acknowledging their anger
– use facial expressions that don’t match how they feel – i.e., smiling when angry
– deny there is a problem

Impact: become alienated from those around them, remain stuck in a position of powerlessness, and discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can’t mature.

Personally, I am admitting that I would become easily irritated when I felt that I was unable to express myself completely. Honestly, for the majority of my life I’ve felt that I’ve probably gravitated towards the passive aggressive style of communicating.  I kept hearing people say that when referring to me, and still I had no idea what they meant exactly. I assumed this was a funny way of reminding me to check my attitude :-/. Needless to say, I learned a lot about myself.

How-to-be-a-More-Assertive-Parent_Article

Assertiveis a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others.

– state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
– listen well without interrupting
– feel in control of self
– not allow others to abuse or manipulate them
– stand up for their rights

Impact: – feel connected to others, feel in control of their lives, are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise, create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature

Once I understood more about my own patterns, I was able to make a decision on where I wanted to be, to get to a place where I could communicate freely. I wanted to be understood, respected, someone whom others would consider when making important decisions, and confident. My next course of action was to do the research on reaching these communication milestones. I wanted to be assertive, and this is the style that I have been practicing for the most part more recently. I still have those days when I fall back into my old pattern (sorry guys). Good thing my family and friends are extremely forgiving :-).

What style of communicating best fits you? Has this changed over time?

XOXO

~FreeBryd

Resources:

If you’re curious about what style best suits you, take this 20 question quiz:HERE.

Full descriptions on communication styles: HERE


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Image#3:http://effectivecommunicationadvice.com/

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Learning About Yourself//Heart 2 Heart

I’ll start this post with a few questions for you…

What do you think you’re known for? What do you believe in? What are your goals? What are determined to do with your time?

Values: “A person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgement of what is important in life” (Dictionary.com).

These beliefs are what drives our happiness.  I stumbled across a blog by Kate the other day, @The Importance Of Values. Unfortunately I did not save the link to her blog properly :-(. She describes her experiences with being unable to find true happiness with significant others, due to not yet discovering what she wanted in those relationships.

I want each of us to begin focusing on understanding our values. Maybe you’re unsure of what exactly this may be for you? Or maybe you’re still exploring what’s important to you.

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Whatever the case, I strongly encourage each of you to begin re-evaluating your lives to find the answers to the questions listed above.

How can we expect others to “just get it”‘ if we have yet to figure this out ourselves.  Life would make so much more sense if we began to understand our core values.

Maybe this is the reason for your previous relationships did not make it over that 6 month mark, or the reason why you’ve been feeling so unsettled/unfulfilled in your job/career.  I agree with Kate when she discussed how these feelings can impact your relationships with others…I’ve been there. But not only were my relationships with others suffering, I was also stuck in a cycle of negativity. It was difficult for me to find any positives.  I was living my day, but not enjoying much of it at all.

Denying your values for the sake of others can also put a wedge in your overall happiness and feelings of fulfillment.  How long will you be able to keep up appearances simply to keep the peace? What about what matters to you?

I wasn’t able to begin feeling better about myself, until I decided to truly understand what I wanted for myself long-term. What I was willing to do to see my goals become my reality.

I wanted to be able to speak with confidence when someone asked me a question about what I wanted out of life, and where I was headed. If you haven’t experienced this before, the feeling of not having a purpose, and having very little to look forward to can be absolutely draining. I was miserable without actually knowing the cause, and how to “fix” this.

I started to journal my thoughts more, and reach out to others whom I normally looked to for guidance.  I asked them similar questions like those listed in the beginning of this post.  Their answers were not a specific guide on what I needed to do, but provided me with encouragement on how I could begin answering these questions on my own.

Disclaimer: I know that everyone has their own values and beliefs. So, I’ll spare the specifics of my own to keep the peace on this blog :-). But, if you’ve been following my blog, you have a pretty clear idea on what my values are (self-care, family, strengthening our relationships, and education…just to name a few).

What are some questions you still need to figure out the answers to about understanding your values? Who helps to inspire you to discover these answers? 

Much Love,

FreeBryd

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