Thanks for joining me on the first official Fix My Relationship Friday series!! I’ve had the opportunity to ask several people to share their thoughts on their Long Distance Relationships (LDR).
Why this topic?
This is just one of many topics that we will discus on this new series. I also have more than a handful of friends, and even more family members who have experienced this as well. More and more people are deciding to try making their relationships work the long distance.
This is something that I can testify to as well. Doing the whole long distance thing and all…is extremely challenging!! I was committed to a LDR for over 2 years. There were long and lonely weeks, plenty of arguments, and frequent Skype dates. But, I knew I was with the right person. If both are willing to put in the extra work (this is a must!), then both parties can grow in ways that you can’t even imagine.
Considering dating long distance? Maybe you’re facing your own challenges on this very subject. My hope is that you will gain a new perspective from the interviewees who have shared their story with you today…Enjoy!
*Background info: Ages: 23-31, male and female, 2/4 are still with their current partner*
Here are the questions that were provided for the interviewees:
- How did you enter into the long distance relationship? (Did u know up front it would be long distance)? Dating since high school (for about 5 years).
Were you more apt to cheat because of the distance?
- What were the biggest challenge(s) you faced with dating long distance?
How often did you spend time together?
What would your advice be for others considering, or are currently dating long distance?
We met through a mutual friend. Originally, we lived in the same city. Then after 2 years, I left for grad school. We decided to take a short break, due to being unable to get on the same page. A month or so after that time, we got back together. It wasn’t that much longer when my boyfriend took a job overseas!! We couldn’t catch a break!
I was definitely open to it after some time had passed, due to being so lonely. I even hung out with more people as a result. I never acted on my feelings of loneliness, but it did frequently cross my mind.
Our communication relied more and more on emailing one another. Our Skype dates faded away as well. Our schedule was contingent on his availability, due to him being overseas. When we did get a chance to speak on the phone, I felt like my feelings were not acknowledged, because he was super busy. His mind was elsewhere, and I was not able to share my experiences with him about what took place throughout the day. Like what grade I received on projects.
We got to see one another 2-3x/month on weekends. He had an extended weekend off from his job, prior to going overseas. I was busy with school during the week, so this worked well. It wasn’t until he took another job (overseas) when things changed. Advice: Unless you’re married, or seriously committed to the other person, don’t do it!! Life is short. Why spend your time pining over someone you aren’t sure you want to be with? You have to figure out the next step in your relationship. Are there plans to relocate within the same city? Make sure this is a discussion you have early on and frequently.
We met while I was on vacation so we knew it would be a long distance relationship from the beginning. I wasn’t tempted to cheat because of the distance. Finding time to dedicate to one another and communicate, since most disagreements happened via phone call, it’s hard to actually communicate your feelings and have a discussion. Physically, we were together about 1 week for every couple months…it varied as the relationship went on because we moved closer and further away. So, the distance determined how often we saw each other.
Advice: I would suggest staying away from long distance relationships unless there was a relationship that existed before it became long distance…I don’t think long distance relationships that start out long distance have much of a foundation to build upon. For those currently in a long distance relationship, I’d say be as flexible with your partner as possible and understand that it will be a challenge. For those considering it, I suggest you thoroughly evaluate the strength of your relationship because the distance will only make things more difficult.
We were originally living in the same city. About 2 years after dating, my boyfriend made the decision to relocate to live with parents in another city. I have often considered cheating. We weren’t friends first, and the move was stupid to me, and out of nowhere. I had the mindset that we could pretend we were together when he visited me, but when he was gone, I felt I was single. This relationship was challenging, because we didn’t have a long-term game plan. We didn’t have plans to live in the same city. There was no end goal, and we never discussed this. We had different goals on what we wanted out of life. He was going back to school, and I was working full-time. A true future goal could not be established.
Our communication remained hit or miss. Honestly at this point, I was not as concerned as I should be. I didn’t have a strong emotional connection with him. I admit that I did resent him for moving. He visited a few times per week. But, I didn’t feel a strong desire to be with him, because I had one foot out the door. Plus, he was inconstant with coming to see me, so this didn’t help us at all. Advice: if you know in your heart that you don’t care about the other person, take this as a sign from God. I unfortunately didn’t listen. I kept this relationship going, when it should have ended a long time ago.
*End of First Round of Interviews*
Leave your comments below on which interview you can relate to, and any feedback for these lovely participants! I’ll be posting the second round of interviews later in the day.
Want me to share your story?? Email me here, or comment under the Relationships section at the top of the page.
Resources for YOU:
6 thoughts on “Fix My Relationship Friday’s//Vol.1”
Seems like the general advice is to steer free from long distance relationships. 😔😔😔
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Lol!! It does seem like that at first, huh??! Especially with the challenges they described. It’s definitely not for everyone. I think it depends on how content they are with their lives, and what their expectations are for their relationship. Have you ever tried?
Cool blog by the way! Beautiful pics, and the content is insightful for those considering those options.
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Wow!this post takes me back to two long distance relationships I had one of which i ended up becoming his Mrs;) . My first one I was in my early twenties our families were super close he was a little older than me but our chemistry back then was fierce! We continued with our relationship with him visiting me twice our phone conversations became less and less after about two years of no sign of real commitment; I stopped calling and he just faded away from my life. Fast-forward my now hubby of 13years we met through my cousin at a card party. I’m six years older than him and we were friends for a year… Shortly after he joined the army we both knew we wanted to build our lives together; we dated long distance for about eight months he came home to visit proposed and we got married in the spring of 2002. A LDR can work if your expectations are clear and communication never stops. 13years married and still goin
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Awwww!! I’m so glad to hear that LDR has worked for you. Crazy how the chemistry was so strong in the first relationship you described. Idk if you both talked about the future before that…but sounds like he had other plans smh. But, you found yourself a keeper. I agree that you should continue to discuss plans for the future, especially with a LDR. All you have is the future to look forward to together. When will you see one another, will you relocate, etc. at least that’s what kept me feeling hopeful in my LDR. I couldn’t imagine not making these convos a priority once we established a committed relationship. Congrats on your wonderful 13 years 🙂
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I agree with the overall message so far. The views of the relationship and where it’s going should be aligned between the two parties. And consistent communication is also very important to keep the fire burning. Love this series!
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Thanks girl! We’d all be lost for sure without communicating clearly. LDR’s need this to survive.
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