Thanks for joining me on the first official Fix My Relationship Friday series!! I’ve had the opportunity to ask several people to share their thoughts on their Long Distance Relationships (LDR).
Why this topic?
This is just one of many topics that we will discus on this new series. I also have more than a handful of friends, and even more family members who have experienced this as well. More and more people are deciding to try making their relationships work the long distance.
This is something that I can testify to as well. Doing the whole long distance thing and all…is extremely challenging!! I was committed to a LDR for over 2 years. There were long and lonely weeks, plenty of arguments, and frequent Skype dates. But, I knew I was with the right person. If both are willing to put in the extra work (this is a must!), then both parties can grow in ways that you can’t even imagine.
Considering dating long distance? Maybe you’re facing your own challenges on this very subject. My hope is that you will gain a new perspective from the interviewees who have shared their story with you today…Enjoy!
*Background info: Ages: 23-31, male and female, 2/4 are still with their current partner*
Here are the questions that were provided for the interviewees:
- How did you enter into the long distance relationship? (Did u know up front it would be long distance)? Dating since high school (for about 5 years).
Were you more apt to cheat because of the distance?
- What were the biggest challenge(s) you faced with dating long distance?
How often did you spend time together?
What would your advice be for others considering, or are currently dating long distance?
We met through a mutual friend. Originally, we lived in the same city. Then after 2 years, I left for grad school. We decided to take a short break, due to being unable to get on the same page. A month or so after that time, we got back together. It wasn’t that much longer when my boyfriend took a job overseas!! We couldn’t catch a break!
I was definitely open to it after some time had passed, due to being so lonely. I even hung out with more people as a result. I never acted on my feelings of loneliness, but it did frequently cross my mind.
Our communication relied more and more on emailing one another. Our Skype dates faded away as well. Our schedule was contingent on his availability, due to him being overseas. When we did get a chance to speak on the phone, I felt like my feelings were not acknowledged, because he was super busy. His mind was elsewhere, and I was not able to share my experiences with him about what took place throughout the day. Like what grade I received on projects.
We got to see one another 2-3x/month on weekends. He had an extended weekend off from his job, prior to going overseas. I was busy with school during the week, so this worked well. It wasn’t until he took another job (overseas) when things changed. Advice: Unless you’re married, or seriously committed to the other person, don’t do it!! Life is short. Why spend your time pining over someone you aren’t sure you want to be with? You have to figure out the next step in your relationship. Are there plans to relocate within the same city? Make sure this is a discussion you have early on and frequently.
We met while I was on vacation so we knew it would be a long distance relationship from the beginning. I wasn’t tempted to cheat because of the distance. Finding time to dedicate to one another and communicate, since most disagreements happened via phone call, it’s hard to actually communicate your feelings and have a discussion. Physically, we were together about 1 week for every couple months…it varied as the relationship went on because we moved closer and further away. So, the distance determined how often we saw each other.
Advice: I would suggest staying away from long distance relationships unless there was a relationship that existed before it became long distance…I don’t think long distance relationships that start out long distance have much of a foundation to build upon. For those currently in a long distance relationship, I’d say be as flexible with your partner as possible and understand that it will be a challenge. For those considering it, I suggest you thoroughly evaluate the strength of your relationship because the distance will only make things more difficult.
We were originally living in the same city. About 2 years after dating, my boyfriend made the decision to relocate to live with parents in another city. I have often considered cheating. We weren’t friends first, and the move was stupid to me, and out of nowhere. I had the mindset that we could pretend we were together when he visited me, but when he was gone, I felt I was single. This relationship was challenging, because we didn’t have a long-term game plan. We didn’t have plans to live in the same city. There was no end goal, and we never discussed this. We had different goals on what we wanted out of life. He was going back to school, and I was working full-time. A true future goal could not be established.
Our communication remained hit or miss. Honestly at this point, I was not as concerned as I should be. I didn’t have a strong emotional connection with him. I admit that I did resent him for moving. He visited a few times per week. But, I didn’t feel a strong desire to be with him, because I had one foot out the door. Plus, he was inconstant with coming to see me, so this didn’t help us at all. Advice: if you know in your heart that you don’t care about the other person, take this as a sign from God. I unfortunately didn’t listen. I kept this relationship going, when it should have ended a long time ago.
*End of First Round of Interviews*
Leave your comments below on which interview you can relate to, and any feedback for these lovely participants! I’ll be posting the second round of interviews later in the day.
Want me to share your story?? Email me here, or comment under the Relationships section at the top of the page.
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