When Stress Takes Over 

/ Sharece Campbell, LMFT I Postpartum Doula

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“Just breathe”.  This is what I need to say to myself when my thoughts start to become toxic.  What a day I experienced yesterday! I’ve realized that I spend an unimaginable about of time stressing over things that I personally can’t change.  Just reflecting on this today makes my head spin!

Why do I allow myself to take on so much, when realistically agreeing to do EVERYTHING just won’t work? I know exactly why this is…I’m a self-proclaimed people pleaser! I love spending time with my friends and loved ones.  I live for that! But, my sole problem arises when I spend so much time worrying about making everyone else happy, and don’t pay as much attention to my wants as much as I should.

I’m bringing this up, because this is a real problem that I currently face.  Not only am I growing tired of not being able to somehow add more hours into my day, but I want to learn to let go of all of the stress that comes along with overextending myself. I’ve allowed my stress of being unable to make others happy impact how I experienced my day with loved ones. Throughout my day, all I could think about was, what I could have done differently to decrease my current amount of stress? How much time do I have before I have to leave to make it back to go to the next place? I honestly couldn’t even enjoy myself.  I wasn’t living in the moment, and creating new memories.  I was physically present, but mentally and emotionally I was light years away from everyone else.  I won’t be able to get this time back, but I can realize my faults and correct them for future experiences.

What I need to do is learn how to say “no”.  If I am not 100 % sure if I can make this work, then I’ll have to be honest about that too.  It’s not fair that I sacrifice my in the moment experiences with feelings of stress.

I also have to be on top of stopping those forever lurking negative messages that find a way to do a cameo sometime throughout the day.  I need to ask myself: will worrying about this right now change how I am feeling? What are some realistic solutions to decreasing my current amount of stress?

Remember to just breathe.

What challenges do you face with being a people pleaser?  How do you say no?

(Image source: http://theberry.com)

13 thoughts on “When Stress Takes Over ”

  1. by saying no, haha.

    it was depressing for me to stop aiming to always please others for some years now. it still is. but so long as there is more to the relationship than to say ‘yes’ to every request, time should make amends… hopefully.

    might take longer than desired (which is how I’m feeling right now), but I’ve found it to be the case so far. And if not, then it might help to keep in mind that sometimes people are here for only certain seasons of our lives.

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    • I agree. Hopefully they will understand that I’m not always able to say yes. I often think that it may just be my fear of letting others down, and they may not even see things that way. I’m probably creating my own worst nightmare lol. I hope that things get better for you as well. This has been truly challenging for me, but my sanity depends on a change.

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  2. I completely understand where you are coming from…I am nearly 40 and still have issues with this, especially when it includes what is expected of me from my family, meaning brother, sister, mother sort of thing because they cannot wrap themselves around the idea that I have a world of things to handle on my own with three children High Functioning Autism and a spinal injury myself. I was always the people-pleaser that would always walk around with a smile while she was breaking down inside. No one was ever really there to ask if I was ever okay, and instead meeting me with an extended hand out to solve their problems. There is a moment in time, where you have to take a step back and realize “No” can be your only salvation. Would you rather go crazy or continue to be functional? Would you rather lose some people that do not appreciate you as much as you do for others or lose who “You” are completely because you are not willing to make the much needed changes? I felt the same…please everyone….or attempt to stay sane in an already stress inducing world. Yes stop….breathe….reflect…..and make the change….one moment at a time.

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    • Thank you for your kind words!!! I’ve definitely felt that I have lost a sense of who I am, just to continue making others happy. But I wasn’t. I’ve been so focused on making sure I met the expectations of others, and haven’t always held them to similar standards. It’s exhausting! You have more on your plate, and I applaud your ability to choose your sanity over your loved ones. It’s difficult to say no sometimes, because you care about others so much. But, I do need to make changes. If not, then I won’t even recognize who I am any more. Hurray for you for continuing to say no, and work on you first! 🙂

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      • Honey, I was so good at doing it for many years and then I recently fell back into the trap, believe me lesson learned again a decade later. We have to come to terms that some people will never change. Don’t be so hard on yourself because being a caring person is not a bad thing, we just need to know what our limits are.

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      • You’re exactly right! I love caring about others, and am glad that so many look to me as someone who can help out. But, I just need to explore what my limits are as you suggested. Plus I do tend to be hard on myself…lol. Thanks again!!!

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  3. I don’t really say no as such. I just hide in the bathroom until whoever’s out there gets bored and wanders off.

    Incidentally, if you ever discover how to add more hours to the day, please let me know. That’s a skill I could really do with right now. 😀

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts!